Archive | October, 2012

Sistas: Do you tell someone her lover/partner is having a jorl or let her find out for herself?

29 Oct

Somewhere along life’s journey most of us have either had a cheating lover, or we have cheated on our lovers. Most times we have done the cheating, with little consideration for the one we are supposedly involved with, or supposed to be loving. We have this big jorl, in front others and with people knowing, except our lover/partner. For those who have been there, we would know that some of life’s most hurting and humiliating experiences, are to either find our lover in bed with another, to suspect they are having a jorl, or to be told by another that our lover is having a jorl or an affair. And one of the worst criminal acts of love we can commit, is when we jorl whilst being involved and our lovers are not aware. It’s degrading, humiliating and hurting to discover our lover is having a big jorl all over town. We catch on with our shit and jorl the town and hood, and do so without taking into consideration our lovers’ feelings. But we are ever so quick to get into a jealous rage when we discover that our lover is doing that same thing we are doing. Most of us thinks and feel it quite okay for us to jorl, but not our lover. What spineless characters we are to want a jorl, but not for our lovers to do likewise and have some fun. Now the biq question, which involves ethics and principles, is whether we tell someone her lover is having a jorl and the whole town is talking about it? My personal opinion is that, whilst it may not be good music to my ears, I would like to hear it from another, preferably a friend. The world produces people of various character, personalities and principles. There are those who gloat on another’s misfortune and there are those who are saddened by the wrongdoings inflicted on another. Rest assured, several people are thrilled when another relationship is in trouble. But, amongst those weak, spineless, below-average people, exist those who have principles and who would think of the interests of the one who is being deceived and cheated upon. So what do we do if we know someone’s lover is jorling? Should we tell her personally, via online notification, sms or email, drop a hint, with an anonymous phone call, get another to inform her or just keep quiet and say it’s none of our business. Many women go through a relationship not knowing their lover has cheated and then find out such info when the love affair is over. To save face we say ‘but it was just some kisses’ when we supposedly jorled. If we decide to tell her about her cheating lover, how should we do it? Just say it like ‘hey, your lover is fucking another bitch’? What is the appropriate time and place? And how would she react if we are to have her feelings at heart and inform her so she’s not being made a fool of. Would she believe us and say thanks or say we are jealous and want to see her relationship break. Women exhibit varying responses to different situations: sand then there are some women who are strange vis-à-vis their responses…. when we inform about what they should know and what affects them, they use such info against us and say we are making trouble or don’t want to see her being happy. There are also those women who turn against us for breaking up their relationship and we end up being the trouble shooters and enemies. So what would you do if you knew your friend’s lover was having a jorl? Save her embarrassment and make her aware, or let her find out from another or on her terms? Then there’s the big question: if we don’t like it done to us, then why are we so spineless and allow our lovers to be laughed at whilst we have a jorl? Along life’s journey we should remember that what goes round, comes round and in simple English this means: whatever shit we do onto others will be done to us some day, somewhere, some time in life. (copyright: Cheryl Roberts)

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26 Oct

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Chris Brown Has Abused A Woman: How Do We Respond To Chris Brown?

25 Oct

Chris Brown Has Abused A Woman: How Do We Respond To Chris Brown?

We know He Has Abused A Woman, Many Other Musicians Have also abused and do abuse Women?How Do We Respond To Chris Brown?That talented, gifted, young musician, Chris Brown has me asking some challenging questions, which personally I must confront. Various genre of music have a way of attracting us. More often, we like the lyrics and the song but don’t care much about the artist/musician. How do we respond when we become aware that the musician, who is now a public entity, is guilty of a society negative which we abhor. I’m asking this, trying to wade thru it, because Chris Brown, is coming to perform in South Africa and young people, including women, are excited about his inaugural concert performance in our country.

Chris Brown is not only at the top of his game but also at the top of today’s urban lifestyle music game. This young man makes good music and performs superbly on stage, being one of the few who can both sing and dance whilst performing. That he’s talented and gifted, there’s no doubt.

Like millions of music fans, lovers and consumers, I like Chris Brown’s music. I sometimes quote lyrics from his songs as my facebook updates. And although I tell myself ‘he’s an abuser, switch off’, I find that I’m still attracted to his music and like hearing his songs when they are played.

But Chris Brown is also known publicly, not only as one of music’s really bad boys, but as an abuser.

Most of us who listen to and buy into the terrain that is R n B music are aware ware of his public break up with Rihanna which involved abuse and violence.  When we heard this international news, we reacted with feelings of disgust and roared words which raged against his violent behaviour. Some radio stations and presenters refused to play his music; some disliked him immediately, others condemned him.

Chris Brown, the talented musician had played the wrong tune which didn’t appeal to us and which we didn’t want to hear. And this is because he had instantly become an abuser. This we don’t like, we don’t encourage and we don’t support. This reaction is for the millions of women around the world who are victims and survivors of abuse and violence.

Chris Brown is performing live on stage in South Africa in December. Tickets for his show are amongst the most expensive charged for a musician to perform in SA.

I attend most concerts when black and R n B musicians perform in SA. I like Chris Brown’s music.  I also know that he has abused a woman.  How do I respond to Chris Brown?

We acknowledge that Chris Brown is not the only musician that abuses women. There are many more like him; it’s just that we are not publicly aware of them. There’s the musicians like the rich Jay Z with their dark and negative pasts of being drug dealers, P Diddy who was involved in a gun incident in a club, R Kelly who is alleged to have abused under age girls, the rappers Lil Wayne and Akon whose lyrics reek of degradation of women. Yet we continue to be attracted to their music.

For how long do we call out to Chris Brown, and only Chris Brown. For how long do we ostracise him? I ask these questions because they raise issues of integrity and honesty as well as requiring a woman’s powerful and potent response to gender violence. Thousands of young women especially will be attending Chris Brown’s concerts in SA, they will scream for more performance from him, applaud him after every song and will be saddened when his stage performance wraps.

Surely we can safely say whilst they may like his music, they certainly shouldn’t be liking his abuse and anger. Ideally, we should be protesting in our thousands against abuse and violence, we should be raising our voices at every abuser. And Chris Brown’s arrival in SA should be greeted with protests, demonstrations and raging voices against abuse.

But Chris Brown is not the only man in the music game who has abused women, or who is a misogynyist. No ways! There are many, many more like him that we are not aware of. So I’m asking: do we speak out only against Chris Brown or against everyone in the music game. Do we find out and identify all of them? For the millions of women who don’t attend concerts of rappers and R n b musicians, the answer is simple: You not going to a Chris Brown concert because he is a known abuser. But then you go to other concerts of male musicians, whose personal lives you don’t know about.

It’s the same with sport where we know of many abusers of women, sportsmen who don’t pay maintenance, who cheat on their partners but then when they perform on the sports stage, they are our hero’s. International footballers Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney from Manchester United are publicly known to have slapped their women partners, yet we cheer and worship their football prowess (those who support Manchester United). There are several South African footballers who don’t pay maintenance and abuse women, yet we praise their football prowess on the field.

I am proposing that if we are not going to support Chris Brown, then we do the same for all musicians who abuse women, because whilst we may be calling out for one musician, we calling in for several others who are just as bad. How long do we condemn the previous conviction. Until forever? Do we ever allow the musician to forgive himself, learn from his negative behaviour and never commit same again.

I can easily condemn Chris Brown, go on a rage thru my words and call out, don’t support Chris Brown. I can go on a rant and write about what a terrible young man he is to hit and abuse a woman that he supposedly was loving. But I’ve got to ask myself why I am not calling out all other musicians.

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25 Oct

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