Sistas: Do you tell someone her lover/partner is having a jorl or let her find out for herself?

29 Oct

Somewhere along life’s journey most of us have either had a cheating lover, or we have cheated on our lovers. Most times we have done the cheating, with little consideration for the one we are supposedly involved with, or supposed to be loving. We have this big jorl, in front others and with people knowing, except our lover/partner. For those who have been there, we would know that some of life’s most hurting and humiliating experiences, are to either find our lover in bed with another, to suspect they are having a jorl, or to be told by another that our lover is having a jorl or an affair. And one of the worst criminal acts of love we can commit, is when we jorl whilst being involved and our lovers are not aware. It’s degrading, humiliating and hurting to discover our lover is having a big jorl all over town. We catch on with our shit and jorl the town and hood, and do so without taking into consideration our lovers’ feelings. But we are ever so quick to get into a jealous rage when we discover that our lover is doing that same thing we are doing. Most of us thinks and feel it quite okay for us to jorl, but not our lover. What spineless characters we are to want a jorl, but not for our lovers to do likewise and have some fun. Now the biq question, which involves ethics and principles, is whether we tell someone her lover is having a jorl and the whole town is talking about it? My personal opinion is that, whilst it may not be good music to my ears, I would like to hear it from another, preferably a friend. The world produces people of various character, personalities and principles. There are those who gloat on another’s misfortune and there are those who are saddened by the wrongdoings inflicted on another. Rest assured, several people are thrilled when another relationship is in trouble. But, amongst those weak, spineless, below-average people, exist those who have principles and who would think of the interests of the one who is being deceived and cheated upon. So what do we do if we know someone’s lover is jorling? Should we tell her personally, via online notification, sms or email, drop a hint, with an anonymous phone call, get another to inform her or just keep quiet and say it’s none of our business. Many women go through a relationship not knowing their lover has cheated and then find out such info when the love affair is over. To save face we say ‘but it was just some kisses’ when we supposedly jorled. If we decide to tell her about her cheating lover, how should we do it? Just say it like ‘hey, your lover is fucking another bitch’? What is the appropriate time and place? And how would she react if we are to have her feelings at heart and inform her so she’s not being made a fool of. Would she believe us and say thanks or say we are jealous and want to see her relationship break. Women exhibit varying responses to different situations: sand then there are some women who are strange vis-à-vis their responses…. when we inform about what they should know and what affects them, they use such info against us and say we are making trouble or don’t want to see her being happy. There are also those women who turn against us for breaking up their relationship and we end up being the trouble shooters and enemies. So what would you do if you knew your friend’s lover was having a jorl? Save her embarrassment and make her aware, or let her find out from another or on her terms? Then there’s the big question: if we don’t like it done to us, then why are we so spineless and allow our lovers to be laughed at whilst we have a jorl? Along life’s journey we should remember that what goes round, comes round and in simple English this means: whatever shit we do onto others will be done to us some day, somewhere, some time in life. (copyright: Cheryl Roberts)

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